A few weeks ago, the dogre noticed that all my car passenger rage was directed at senior drivers (they were driving recklessly). I'm not an ageist, I promise, and get riled up over poor drivers of all ages, despite the fact that I myself don't (can't) drive. On this particular night, they just all happened to be elderly: too fast, too slow, too reckless, too old (purely for rhyming purposes!). In any case, the point of this introduction was to discuss my favourite past time as the dogre's front-seat passenger: schwearing. See the ch there? Intentional. Let me explain. I took the crassness, vulgarity and unclassiness out of swearing by schwearing instead! Here's an example: the old lady cuts us off while switching lanes, just barely missing us, so I yell out "Mother tucker! YOU SUNABEEEECH!" Cute! I'm so adorable and fun, right? The dogre has got me hooked on schwearing and I really like getting a snort out of him. But I have to admit something to you...it's thrilling! I feel exhilarated when I schwear...As a kid, I used profanity in my diary and letters to my best friend without understanding what they even meant. As a teen, I never swore. At my current age, I'm terribly uncomfortable with profanity. Schwearing, apparently, is okay though. And here's another secret, when I was at Nathan Philips Square last month, ducking and avoiding the little people, an uncensored blooper popped in my head. To be exact, it was a "getthef***outtamyway!" Then again, I brain-spoke it in this high-pitched gremlin voice, similar to Cameron's when they accidentally locked Lily in the car on Modern Family and he charged at the car with a garbage can screaming "I'M BREAKING THE WINDOOOOOW!" Blame the dogre.
By the by, I enjoy Woody Allen movies. Does this appall you? My mid-twenties friends despise all Allen movies. Kind of makes me feel left out. So I gently and lovingly tell myself it's really because I'm that much more mah-tour and cooler than them. Besides, I've only seen a handful of his films and am not some hardcore fan. All I'm saying is that of the few that I've seen, I was really into the awkward and mundane conversations, the banter, and the seductions. Okay? Is that okay with you, mr/ms movie critic fancy pants?
So...I was absent all of last week from posting. No particular reason, really. Just...life happened! Busy eating, watching stuff, spending time with friends and family, cutting and pasting for one of my courses. Any six year old would be better with the scissors—I'm so wobbly and messy. I like to blame it on a traumatic experience as a wee toddler, when some crazy neighbour kid attacked me with a pair of scissors and left me with stitches on my face. True story. Here's another story for you. A classmate who sat next to me yesterday had the most awful case of halitosis. I visibly flinched when she leaned in to ask me a question and assaulted my olfactory. I'm a fairly considerate person so for me to actually frown at her because I couldn't recover quickly enough to save her feelings just goes to show how smelly her breath was!
Sadly, not much cooking to brag about. Plenty of food porn, however, so stay tuned. Also? Not sure whether I want to return to the old schedule of designated days+post topics. I'm feeling very cluttered in the mind and noncommittal. Hey, hey, listen! It's not you, it's me. Don't cry. I just can't commit at this point in my life. I promise to come by at least a couple times a week. But, friend? I've got to go now. I have to stop typing because I'm two sentences away from my typical lengthy posts, yes? Not quite there though, yes? Right? Plus, the dogre thinks I'm in bed! Shh- Et voila. Aussi, comme ci comme ca, tootles!